


Our silhouettes dissolve

by maliwanhellfire



Series: Not even for a day [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Relationship Negotiation, Talking about your feelings, Violence, acting on your feelings, but only for one scene, thinking about your feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maliwanhellfire/pseuds/maliwanhellfire
Summary: This was new to Bull. It wasn't new to them.Bull finds himself in unfamiliar waters.





	Our silhouettes dissolve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [choriarty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/choriarty/gifts).



> I had meant to update 'Where the waves shatter' but I found that the structure was fighting me. I realised I was trying to cover two conflicting emotional arcs and wasn't doing the secondary one any justice. Which meant this fic became necessary.  
> This is a story about Bull learning how to be in a relationship with a two people who are more established and familiar with one another.  
> Takes place directly after "We're not quite transient".  
> (Hope you like it, Choriarty!)

The South had been an education in the nesting habits of humans. Bull’d had some idea but it was nothing like actually seeing people fall in love and exchange tokens of esteem and settle down and have kids and then fuck it all up with a dancer named Brandi. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. The only thing that remained stable was the tendency to pair off.

He shouldn’t have been surprised that the exception was, of course, ‘Vints.

“I just want you to be happy,” Felix said, as if it were that easy.

And he didn’t just look to Dorian, who was pale with terror, as he said it. He looked to Bull, with his brows drawn in and his lips just barely quirked up. Felix, who barely knew Bull, wanted to set aside the grand tradition of human monogamy, in the name of happiness.

“Do you think we can make this work?” Bull said. “Brutal honesty.”

“I would like to try,” Felix said.

“Only if it wouldn’t hurt you,” Dorian said.

That was the difference between them, in two sentences. Felix would take the risk. Dorian would consider the cost. Maybe they hadn’t always been that way, but they had to have changed in their years apart, whether they were aware of it or not. It didn’t stop Bull from feeling like Thedas’ biggest third wheel.

“Why don’t you talk about it, just the two of you,” Felix said. “I wanted to put the idea on the table. I’ve done that. The rest isn’t up to me.”

Bull couldn’t help but resent him a little, for his comfort and magnanimity. He was trying to be kind, was certainly being direct, but it felt like he was offering something that was not his to give. Dorian had barely spoken, and yet Felix was suggesting that they share him. As if one could share a person.

In all his life, Bull had never felt the way he did about Dorian. He’d never felt such an ache, deep in his chest, when they were apart. He’d never felt the same restless joy to be in another’s presence. He’d never wanted the things that he now wanted.

It was new to him. It wasn’t new to them.

“Please,” Dorian said, and Bull didn’t have it in him to say no.

When they walked up the stairs, he saw Felix take a sip of his beer, lean back in his chair, and sigh with his entire body. Then Dorian took his hand, and looked at Bull so nervously, that Bull turned away and did not look back.   

 

\---

 

“It’s worth considering,” Vivienne said.

“Really?” Bull asked.

She’d invited him to tea, which was one of their favourite things to do, and he’d taken the opportunity to ask her about it. He wasn’t as close with her as he was with his boys, but he had a responsibility to them as their boss. There was no such conflict with Vivienne. She was, simply, his friend. More than that, he trusted her honesty, and her discretion.

“Not that Dorian deserves you, but you’ve been so subdued since you stopped seeing him. I don’t see the harm in trying again, unless it would harm you.”

“Dorian said something like that too, that last bit.”

“Surprisingly thoughtful of him.”

“He’s pretty sweet when he thinks no one’s watching.”

Vivienne looked at Bull with a soft smile that she very rarely showed. She made no secret of how she favoured him, though Bull wasn’t entirely sure how he had earned such high regard. He was hardly the only man in the Inquisition to treat her with respect and occasional awkwardness. Maybe there wasn’t anything to it, sometimes humans decided they liked someone and that was that. They created importance.

“Were you aware that I knew Felix before he became a Warden?” Vivienne said. “He was a mathematician at the University of Orlais. Quite talented.”

“Yeah?” Bull said.

He tried not to let his wariness show, but Vivienne was too wise for that. She raised a brow just slightly.

“I thought he was another inveterate bootlicker at first, but he was cordial to every person he met. Unfortunately, he never quite seemed to understand the full importance of context.”

“What do you mean?” Bull asked.

“It is difficult to trust someone who won't show a single rough edge.”

That phrase struck a chord in Bull, sent a frisson down his spine and to his heart. Since they had arrived at Skyhold, Felix had been the very image of civility. He’d discomfited the brass with his steadfast refusal to rock the boat or show offence. That was true of most of the Wardens, but from what Bull had heard, Felix seemed singularly unbothered by it.

He hadn’t always been that way. When they’d been marching to the Hold, Felix had shown his throat. He’d bared his insecurities with the air of a man too stubborn to die.

It came to Bull then, that they were uncomfortably similar. Where Bull had become a man of obvious vices, with an open body and a loud mouth, Felix had gone the other route, perhaps by necessity. A ‘Vint might not be trusted to buy a drink, but it was still uncomfortable to keep spitting at a person who was relentlessly polite and a little hurt by unkindness.  

Bull had liked him before he’d resented him. He hadn’t forgotten, it had just become a little harder to see, now that confusion rested over his heartache.

“Bull,” Vivienne said, and drew him from his reverie.

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Felix is a mediocre mage from a country which prizes excellence above all other qualities. Most Alti would not have suffered such a child in their lineage.”

Horrific but not unexpected. For all that Tevinter touted the values of creativity and determination, they didn’t value people. Not that way.

“Seeing where the gloss came from doesn’t make it any easier to see what’s beneath,” Bull said.

“It might give you some idea of where to look,” Vivienne replied.

A quiet, masked servant brought the tea at that point, and Bull poured it, and they both drank it. It was very good tea. Ma’am had ordered it in from Rivain in deference to Bull’s tastes. It had been brewed with just a little ginger, and it warmed Bull from the inside even as it made him long for Par Vollen. Bull sat down his cup and watched Vivienne calmly sip from hers.

“What do you think of him?” Bull asked.

She looked down at her tea for a moment and Bull could almost see her weigh the words in her head.

“I like him,” she said.

“Did you-“ Bull swallowed the words before he could say them. “Sorry, bit too personal.”

“I loved Nicoline,” Vivienne said, firmly, though with no sign of offence.

She didn’t clarify, and Bull knew better to ask. They both went quiet again, Vivienne looking out over the balcony, at the sky over the mountains.

“Be careful,” She said. “I believe that Felix is sincere, and that Dorian cares for you, but relationships are more than just the people in them. You will be seen and judged.”

“Any advice?” Bull asked.

Vivienne’s nose wrinkled, her brows lowered, and her lips twisted into a bitter frown. Her eyes stayed fixed on the horizon, but her hand now gripped the fabric of the chaise.

“Make an example of any man who would threaten your happiness. Give no quarter.”

Her expression smoothed. Her hand swept across the arm rest of her chaise.

“Thanks, Ma’am,” Bull said.

“Think nothing of it,” Vivienne replied. “Now, tell me about your recent visit the Emprise.”

“Buckets of red lyrium. Everywhere.”

Vivienne did not snort her laugh and Bull was certainly never going to say otherwise.

“I’m terribly sorry I missed it,” she said.

 

\---

 

When Bull left Vivienne’s balcony, he walked back through the library, so he could visit Dorian and maybe convince him to come to the tavern for lunch. He was surprised to see Dorian was not alone in his alcove. A woman was seated in the chair across from Dorian, both of them reading in comfortable silence. She was in a Warden uniform, Constable rank, based on her insignia. She had a slightly stiff posture that most of the Wardens seemed to have adopted. Her blonde hair was efficiently short and she had a small knife strapped to her thigh, even though her epaulettes marked her as a mage. She was also looking Bull directly in the eye.

“Hey,” Bull said.

“Hello,” she replied. She had an Orlesian accent.

That was enough to snap Dorian’s attention away from his book. His head turned up and he smiled brightly in the moment before he remembered that they weren’t alone. He closed his book in his hands and turned towards his new companion.

“Celeste, this is the Iron Bull,” Dorian said. “Bull, this is Celeste. She was Felix’s field commander.”

“It is good to meet you, Felix has mentioned you,” she said.

“All good, I hope.” Bull breathed evenly, smiled personably, and didn’t move an inch.

Celeste narrowed her eyes a little, but her expression was considering, not judgmental. She turned her head to the side a little, like a bird.

“You were kind on the journey from Adamant. Not just to him.” Celeste stood from her chair. “You had no obligation, but we remember these things.”

She held her hand out to Dorian, and he took it with a wry smile. He stood easily, but once he was up, he took the opportunity to turn their joined palms and kiss the back of her hand. She smiled approvingly.

“Do come visit me again, it is always pleasant to have a reading companion,” Dorian said.

“I will take you up on that,” Celeste said.

“Tell Felix I’ll see him this evening.”

“Of course. Pleasant day to you both.”

Celeste bowed and then turned away. She walked back the way Bull had come, though she had to be heading towards Cullen’s office and not to Vivienne.

“It’s good to see you,” Dorian said.

The colour had come back into his face, compared to the night before. He looked more like he had when he and Bull had been coming to know one another. There was a softness to him, that he usually hid. A quiet happiness that even Dorian couldn’t fake.

“Good to see you too.” Bull wrapped his arms loosely around Dorian’s waist. “Want to join me for lunch? Cabot’s serving roasted ram.”

“I absolutely detest ram. Please lead the way,” Dorian replied.

They walked together to the Herald’s Rest, arms brushing, and Bull felt lighter than he had in weeks.

 

\---

 

One day, two weeks into their arrangement, Felix passed Bull and Krem while they were on their way to the training grounds. He greeted them with a smile and a raised hand, but his lips took a tense cast to them when he looked at Bull.

“Hello Bull,” Felix said. “Avanna, Cremisius.”

Krem never spoke Tevene.

“Avanna, Custo,” Krem said, as he reached out his hand.

The pair of them clasped arms like old friends. Bull hid his surprise. When they released their grip, Felix turned, and Bull could see him take in a breath and part his lips, on the cusp of speaking.

Then he closed them again and his smile took on the same tension as before. Felix’s eyes mapped Bull’s face, too quickly to be rude, but slow enough as to be noticeable. Felix nodded to them both.

“I won’t keep you,” Felix said. “Perhaps I’ll see you for cards later, Cremisius.”

“Sure thing, Warden. Going to get my money back this time.”

“Perhaps you shall. Vitae benefaria.”

“Bene vale.”

“See ya,” Bull said.

That small farewell was enough to brighten the smile on Felix’ face before he left. It left an ache in Bull’s chest.

“You should probably talk to that guy,” Krem said, once Felix was out of earshot.

“Think so?” Bull replied.

“You’re too smart to act dumb, Chief.”

Krem’s gaze was piercing, his lips thin and his brows lowered. He huffed once, then patted Bull on the arm.

“Come on,” Krem said. “How’s about you chase me around the training ring for an hour. Always puts you in a good mood.”

“When you put it that way,” Bull replied.

They didn’t talk about it after that, but Bull thought over the conversation for the rest of the day, turning the words over in his mind. He wondered whether he’d imagined just how sad Felix had looked. Krem was right, though. Bull did know better. He knew what he’d seen, he wasn’t ready to admit it.

 

\---

 

“We’re getting drinks at the Rest tonight,” Bull said, next time they saw each-other. “Want to join?”

Felix’ eyes widened and he smiled brightly.

“That would be lovely,” Felix replied.

“Seven suit?”

“Of course.”

They parted amicably, and Bull saw a dwarf in a Warden uniform elbow Felix in the waist repeatedly as the two of them walked back towards the barracks.

 

\---

 

Bull suspected that Krem had sat the Chargers down for a serious talk and warned them off giving Bull or Dorian any shit about Felix. They brought him up. They bitched about his skill at Diamondback, but they never mocked Bull for having a lover with a lover, and they only ever made insinuations about Dorian’s sex life as it pertained to Bull.

“You’re not dealing another fucking round,” Krem said. “You cheat.”

Felix put a hand against his chest and looked wounded.

“I would never,” Felix said. “That’s Dorian.”

“Vishante kaffas!” Dorian replied.

Skinner chose that moment to slam her knife into the table and very quickly found herself in possession of their deck. Bull laughed at the surprisingly unhorrified expression on Felix’ face even while he was on the receiving end of one of Skinner’s most murderous looks.

“You don’t look scared enough to give up so easy,” Bull said, still chuckling.

“I prefer to think of it as a strategic retreat,” Felix said.

Grim set his tankard on the table and pushed it forward with his index finger. He passed his gaze over the table and Felix was fool enough to meet his eye.

“I guess that’s my round,” Felix said.

He was met with an approving roar. Skinner’s glare almost disappeared and she shuffled the cards with a much improved mood. Felix kissed Dorian’s cheek as he stood up from his chair.

“Ferelden piss?” Felix asked.

“Antivan cognac,” Dorian said.

“The Maker hates liars, amatus.”

Krem made kissy faces at them from across the table and earned himself a rude hand gesture in return. Even with the teasing, Dorian’s shoulders were loose and his smiles easy. Bull was pleased to find that Dorian and Felix’ displays of affection didn’t fill him with any nasty Southern emotions. Instead he was happy. Happier to be with the both of them, even.

Over by the bar, Felix had stopped long enough that it was clear he was having a chat with Cabot. When Cabot left, hopefully to pour their drinks, one of Cullen’s soldiers walked over and leaned himself on the bartop next to Felix. He said something that made Felix flinch, strongly enough that Bull could see it clear across the room. Felix clapped his hand on the soldier’s back and Bull found himself faced with a premonition of what Felix planned to do.

Bull rose from his chair as Felix laid his other hand on the soldier’s wrist. He then pulled the man’s arm back with no haste at all and pushed his body down hard into the wood. The soldier squawked as Felix held his grip just below the breaking point.

Dorian twisted to see what the fuss was, so Bull put his hand on Dorian’s shoulder and encouraged him to stay seated.

“I’ll deal with it,” Bull promised.

More of Cullen’s men had jumped up. Felix looked at them with a coolness Bull had never seen before. It was the first time Bull had seen him and known he was a fighter.

“If you keep coming, I’ll break his arm,” Felix said, looking directly at the closest man.

Bull knew him, knew most of them. The man in Felix’ untender grip was called Hamish. The man before him was Andrew.

“Get your fucking hands off,” Andrew said.

He had his fists clenched and his eyes were wide and angry. Andrew took a step forward and Felix pulled Hamish’ arm up higher than it was.

“Fucksake Andrew, step back!” Hamish shouted.

“Not very nice when you’re the one over a barrel, is it?” Felix asked.

“Hey Fellas,” Bull said. “Why don’t we talk about this?”

“Deal with your fucking ‘Vint, Bull,” Andrew said, still furious but slightly cowed at the sight of him.

The soldiers all knew Bull, as a drinking buddy and a voice of reason. They’d also seen him crack a man’s jaw for laying a hand on Candi, so they thought twice before working to cross him.

“Maybe you should tell the Bull what you told me,” Felix said.

His voice was viciously level. The look he gave Hamish was almost disinterested, but he did loosen his hold a little when Andrew stood back.

“I didn’t mean nothing by it,” Hamish said, through gritted teeth.

“If you didn’t mean it then why did you say it?” Felix said.

The tavern had gone quiet, conversation replaced by a low, tense murmuring. Dorian was on his feet, but Krem had left his place at the table to hold Dorian back. Krem raised his brows at Bull, his universal signal for _hurry the fuck up_.

Bull leaned in close to Hamish, met the other man’s eyes with his.

“Felix isn’t an angry sort,” Bull said. “So why don’t you whisper in my ear what you told him, and I’ll decide what to do about it.”

Hamish gritted his teeth and pulled against Felix’ hold. It got him absolutely nowhere. He slumped, finally.

“I only said that I might go find your other ‘Vint tonight and have a go myself, since he’s up for it.”

“Not quite,” Felix said.

Felix did something with his arm that had Hamish hissing in pain.

“Fuck you!” Hamish said.

“ _I’ll have that bitch over a barrel_ , that’s how you worded it. _After you’re done for the night_.”

Bull felt very cold, and then he felt very, very angry.

“That’s not respectful,” Bull said.

“It was just a joke!” Hamish said.

“I get the feeling it wasn’t a joke until Felix called you out on it,” Bull said, quiet so only the three of them could hear it. “Don’t see him laughing. You see me laughing?”

Hamish released a muted, pained cry through his teeth. His eyes were wide and rolling in their sockets. Whatever hope he’d gleaned from Bull’s presence was gone and panic had set in.

“Now, if you’re honest with everybody, right here, right now, then you can walk out of this with your arm intact. But if I find out later that you’ve put your hands where you shouldn’t, if you keep talking shit; I will throw you off the east side of this castle, Hamish. It’s a long way down from there and no one’ll ever know I did it.”

Hamish groaned again.

“You listening?”

“Yes,” Hamish said, through gritted teeth.

“Say it with me,” Bull said, letting his voice carry again. “I won’t fuck people who don’t want it.”

“I won’t! I won’t!” Hamish cried.

Felix let go of Hamish’s arm and the released force sent Hamish sprawling to the floor. He held his arm in a delicate grip, crying out with each heaving breath over the pain of it. Even if Felix hadn’t broken any bones, he’d have torn the muscle. It was probably excruciating, but neither Andrew nor any of Cullen’s other soldiers made to pick Hamish up until Bull had an arm around Felix’ shoulder and had halfway led him out of the tavern. Bull heard the Chargers stomp out right behind them.

“What in Thedas was that?” Dorian asked, as soon as they were past the door.

“Making an example,” Bull said.

He could feel Felix shake with rage, underneath his fingertips.

 

\---

 

Bull left his boys with instructions to keep their ears out for any dissent that might follow their display. Then he led Felix and Dorian up to his room and locked his doors.

“I told you to let it go,” Dorian said, once the last bar was down.

“That wasn’t a petty insult,” Felix replied.

“I’d really like it if the two of you could clue me in on what’s happening here,” Bull said quietly and firmly. “Because it feels like you’ve been keeping stuff back that I really ought to know.”

Dorian looked at Bull with a guilty expression on his face.

“It’s nothing new, Bull,” Dorian said, as he crossed his arms. “The same old insults for the depraved Magister.”

“Doesn’t sound the same to me,” Bull said.

“I’m handling it.”

Felix glared at the floor, jaw clenched, his hands held in fists but his posture open, as if he were keeping it that way by bloody will alone. His body was a line of tension.

“Don’t you have an opinion on this?” Bull asked.

Felix’s mouth dropped open and released a frustrated, furious cry. He looked at Bull with wide eyes, his hands splayed out into the air.

“Do I have an opinion?” Felix said. “Since when do you care about my opinions? The last time I gave you any you took offence to every one. I’m not going to start giving them again when they piss you off!”

Bull’s heart dropped in his chest. Fuck it. He had done that, hadn’t he?

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Bull said.

The tense lines of Felix’ body very suddenly went loose. His eyes took on a wet sheen in the lamplight.

“What?” Felix said.

“I was insecure, and I took it out on you instead of talking about it. I wish I’d done it differently.”

They stood there and stared at one another, Felix’ breaths hitching in the quiet. After a minute, Dorian stepped into Bull’s peripheral vision, between the two of them and off to the side, so they were three points on an even triangle.

“What do you want to do?” Dorian asked, hope and sadness warring in his voice.

“Can we talk again?” Bull asked. “I want things to be good between us. I’ll work at it.”

“I just-“ Felix’ voice cut off.

“Yeah?” Bull said.

“I didn’t know what I’d done wrong,” Felix said.

Felix sniffed loudly and pushed his shaking hands against his eyes. Dorian spanned the distance between them in two quick steps and drew Felix into his arms. Then he cocked his head at Bull and signalled him over. Bull went. He put his arms around them both.

“This okay?” he said.

Felix nodded. He leant his head into Bull’s chest. It was nice.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” Felix said, his voice still wavering. “I apologise.”

“I know. Me too.”

“Aren’t we a sorry lot,” Dorian said.

Bull couldn’t help but huff with laughter. Felix gently cuffed Dorian’s ear.

It was a start.

 

\---

 

“I swear, if the two of you get your heads bit off, I won’t cry at the funeral,” Dorian said.

Bull and Felix were at the gates in their best armour, swords sharpened and plate polished. They had plans to kill the wyverns that had taken roost at the foot of the mountain. It was their turn for date night.

“Love you too,” Bull said.

Dorian’s cheeks darkened and crossed his arms, nose pointed firmly up. Celeste, and Felix’ friend Hidrin, had chosen to join them.

“I do not think they will die, Dorian,” Celeste said. “The wyverns tend to chew on Wardens then spit them back. Bull is just too big to bother with.”

“Can you bring me some poison glands?” Hidrin asked.

“I would prefer it if you did not,” Celeste said.

“I concur with Celeste’s opinion,” Dorian said.

“You guys suck,” Hidrin replied.

“If we’ve all said our piece, I’d quite like a kiss goodbye,” Felix said.

Dorian rolled his eyes, but obliged. Then he crooked a finger at Bull until he lowered his head and Dorian could reach his cheek.

“Do be good,” Dorian said, as he looked between the two of them.

“Always am,” Bull said.

“Nah,” Felix replied.

As they walked away from the hold, Bull pulled his hand from his gauntlet and held it out for Felix to take. Felix slipped off his as well and threaded their fingers together. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to the pitch adjusted Hozier's NWFMB to get myself in the mood while writing this.


End file.
